I have this friend who doesn’t post anything on social media. He just lives his life. I said, “how am I supposed to know what you’re up to?” he said, “ask me” What a weirdo.

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

Being a beacon of light to you people is exhausting.

A hobby? In this economy?!!!

People that back into parking spaces do you know we all hate you?

halloween should be a paid holiday

New slice just dropped this is big news in the sandwich community

the best way i can describe the difference between drakes responses and kendrick’s is that they’re both in a roast battle with a big crowd around them and drake is turning and looking at the crowd for validation after every roast and kendrick is staring directly into his soul😂😂

we need God to turn Wendy Williams dementia down so we can confirm these stories.

Idk the energy is good this year Will Smith should slap Chris Rock again just for the fuck of it

oh? u asked for the time?

so jealous of cats to be honest. imagine being a huge bitch literally all the time and the person who takes care of you is like awwwwwww

If you go to A&W and don't order a root beer the wait staff can legally pants you.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me two dozen times and I’ll still believe it when Amazon says my package is getting delivered next.

Some days you're the pinball wizard and some days you're the silver ball.

I wish I put as much thought into my future as I do thinking about what I'm going to eat next

There is no "i" in stupid.