There are way too many ways to fuck up. There should be fewer

Holy shit…… do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary

Happy birthday, Sweet Swan of Avon. Is this not love indeed? ❤️

Get you a friend who, in a concert, gasps and gets you to look at the girl’s phone in front of you… because it is a cat and she knows you’ll want to see it. ❤️

Live Tweet of Birthday Shenanigans: I’m all for live, laugh, love separately. But together it’s just like goulash… terrible.

Hot Girl Summer is over. The Hot Ghoul Fall is almost here.

‘Sorry. That was a jump scare. I should have warned you there was going to be a man’

who let them out of Hell??

I wish i never saw bojack horse man cause now when i experience symptoms of chronic depression i feel like a dumb ass HORSE !! Or even worse.. a female writer

Well…. I quit therapy today. So prepare for the unhinged Tweets to come back.

It’s 7 years, y’all.

Me reluctantly asking for help saying I don’t want to put my already dangerously wobbly step stool in the gravel to hang a sign: I know I’m a strong, independent woman, but- Manager: (Grabbing scissors from me and taking off) But you’re also SMART!

AT WORK: Making guacamole at 4 in the morning is something that nightclubs do….

AT WORK: Frankie Muniz just peeing all over himself…

Find you a man…. Who gives you a garden hose as a present when you say you need a new garden hose. It seems like a minor thing, but…. It’s not. ❤️ (He also got me a pressure washing nozzle attachment. ❤️)

Okay, I may live in a bad neighborhood or Tempe needs to calm tf down, but I just spent a solid minute with mace in my hand thinking someone was breaking into my laundry room… and it was ASU grad fireworks….. #congrats 😑

Looking at alt ways to wash my weighted blanket & read the actual use instructions finally. ‘Ease into use… Begin by placing the blanket only over your feet for the first week…’ Shit, my anxiety riddled ass threw it directly over my head and body right away & never looked back

Rideshare was the best thing that ever happened to Elevator Speeches.