No offense to Lynchburg, Staunton, or Bristol, but how is it that these cities have a Chili's Grill & Bar and Roanoke doesn’t?

Missing an Emu? Here it is on the run near the Hanover County Government Complex.

┏┓ ┃┃╱╲ in ┃╱╱╲╲ this ╱╱╭╮╲╲ house ▔▏┗┛▕▔ we ╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲ Stay home on Friday nights And order 27 dollars of Chinese food and call it ˢᵉˡᶠ ᶜᵃʳᵉ ╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲ ▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔

just realized i’m far too pale to go on anyone’s boat today. good thing nobody invited me

When you’re walking past the aisles at Walmart and finally see your mom

*at Chick-fil-A, Inc.* me: can I get the new macaroni & cheese? Chick-fil-A: “wE aRe OuT oF tHe MaCaRoNi & ChEeSe” smh even Wendy’s wasn’t out of the new spicy chicken nuggets today when I went /rant

On the job injury: just cut my lip while licking an envelope. Actually drew blood!

i think my plant is dying idk what to do i give it water and sunlight please help it doesn’t have health insurance

“I’m going to steal the Louisiana Purchase” - National Treasure 3, probably.

This cooler air sure is taking a long time to get here. ☀️

Pretty sure I’ve gone to bed at halftime of every 8 PM football game this year, so why shouldn’t the national championship be any different? 🛏

@t__poffenberger Al Jones We'll see you soon then!! 🍀🍻

Calling All VT_Football Fans: Come see 15 years of VT Sga Hokie Effect shirts today in Squires then the 2017 shirt reveal @ 6:30! #Hokies 🦃

Wendy’s the 4 for 4's biggest fans are celebrating a milestone today 😏 #444

Sammy Oakey loved the interview on @DaytimeBR today! I know where I want to have my funeral now (in about 60 years)! 👏

No dog ANYWHERE is safe from my affection.

🍻 to my mans Al Jones on #NationalBoyfriendDay !! ily 💗

Whoops! Police responded to a call after a fat raccoon, got caught in a sewer gate! Photo Cred: City of Zion Illinois Police Department

NRV couples rivalry Virginia Tech Men's Basketball vs. Radford Men's Basketball! 🦃🏀 #ThisIsHome #Hokies