Giving your daughter away on her wedding day has to be one of the proudest moments for any great dad

Please vote in my important poll

Will we get an extra Bank Holiday if Prince Andrew is found guilty?

Thirteen ridiculous years. Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary

Life has been cruel to my lovely friend, this wonderful, kind and funny man. Please help if you can. gofundme.com/f/paul-litchfi…

L

“Never used sunscreen in 1976 and didn’t do me any harm!”

someone is moaning that I and loads of other people have blocked them and wondering why that is. quod erat demonstrandum m’lud

Christ, what have I been doing with my life? Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary

*sigh* What has Sam Smith been up to now? 🙄

BREAKING: Kensington Palace release new photo of a happy & healthy Prince & Princess of Wales following recent photoshop controversy. #KateMiddleton #RoyalFamily

Woah there, save some fanny for the rest of us mate

Work stops on Gyro & Labia's thought provoking cous cous bordello while they decide what flavour of cantilevered sugar balcony to have

Tagine & Candleabra's Kashmiri amphitheatre will utilise a radical new building technique - it will be Britain's first boil-in-the-bag house

Godfrey & Plinth, organic saboteurs from Ryde, are using exhaust manifolds and Bouillabaisse to build their industrial take on Inuit living

Cubist preservationists, Hollow & Osman, plan to build their reimagining of the Nakatomi Plaza from Die Hard using haddock in a balsamic jus

Merrill & Dämz, carbon neutral frost harvesters, are using linseed and plutonium to build a canary burrow that tastes of Steve Guttenberg

Fücknüt & Sîlo are building Britain's most ambiguous house which will be part rose water igloo and part Dairylea barn conversion