Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary

Here’s my year in emoji: 👎#HappyNewYear #MyEmojiYear

I hate myself #MyTwitterAnniversary

Very sad!

Yes

Kim Jong Un is a Jake Pauler.

Fuck back to zero again

Sherlock Gnomes Sherlock Gnome Sherlock Gnom Sherlock Gno Sherlock Gn Sherlock G Sherlock Sherlok Sherlk Sherk Shrek Shrek 5 in theaters 2019

The uganda knuckles meme is one of those things you need to see 1,000,000 times and it still won’t be funny.

I hate to bother you,notch, buuut is herobrine real???

Thought I looked cute here. I dunno. Might delete

Yo Elon Musk, I left my jacket in your car. Can you please return it my boy?

girl: ok now just put it in me: okay girl: right here me: sorry... i’m a little nervous girl: why me: it’s my first time girl: sir just insert your chip into the card reader there’s a huge line

My friend’s boyfriend is an AP English teacher in Austin. He brings his dog Banjo to school every day. Less teachers with guns, more teachers with corgis.

Instead of YouTuber feuds getting settled in the boxing ring, let's take it to the Dance Dance Revolution mats

This typical blonde bimbo just came up to me in Burger King, pointed at my katana and said “wow that’s sooo cool can I touch it?” I smiled and politely told her she was only qualified to handle my other long weapon. Everyone started clapping and I got her number.

Rip