One time I went white water rafting and was ejected from the raft and got STUCK UNDERNEATH THE RAFT dragging along rocks and literally DYING. I still think aboot how our guide was fully prepared to let me drown and she yelled at my cousin not to help me. Arkansas river is wild

Wednesday night I happed to look at the cameras at the peak of this epic beat down, I’d also like to apologize for the graphic nature of this video…

Any day that I wake up to an extra dog in the yard is a good day

Living with me must be tough. I’ve lived alone for basically the past like 6 years so everything makes me jumpy. Plus I’m blind at night without my glasses. Last night at aboot 10pm I GASPED when I saw a pack of paper towels sitting by the front door. I swear it was a creature.

When I was a drunk teenager, I used to introduce myself as Amber FUCKING Ames. The one woman who remembers that is a nurse at the hospital I now go to. Any time I call, she always “aaaaaand what’s your middle name?” and she makes me say Amber FUCKING Ames to get my pills

I love when I tell my mom I don’t feel good so she has a care package delivered.. and that care package consists of migraine meds, a thermometer, and a dog.. we are so on the same wavelength

Can’t wait to get my new glasses.. almost just wrecked my car slamming on the brakes for a corn husk blowing across the road

I have a poke war going with a guy I haven’t seen in like 10 years.. we’re up to almost 700 pokes. Facebook really does bring people together

It is wild to me that people will post their children’s entire medical history on Facebook as if it’s supposed to be public information lol

I do be poopin’

Ahh yes, December 26th.. Happy Christmas Shits to all!!

Chase really woke me up this morning, got the JG Wentworth song stuck in my head, and then closed his office door as if to say he doesn’t enjoy my rendition of the JG Wentworth song. The audacity…

I get the most extreme ick from people who kiss children on the mouth.. why y’all doin that? It’s gross

My toxic trait is that I can see a piece of furniture or an outbuilding or something on the internet and I automatically assume that I can build it myself, despite having no carpentry experience whatsoever

I can’t believe we’re almost 1/4 of the way through 2025 already.. I’m still thinking aboot a pickup line that a guy used on me in 2010

#NewProfilePic