My spray tan fading as I start my luteal phase has delivered a fatal blow to my confidence.

Mary first chair next season

Uhh… you’ll figure it out

“I’m Mr Sterling’s everything. I’m his confidant. His best friend. His right hand arm…man. His silly rabbit” “His what?” “His silly rabbit” “Does he call you that?” “……….no”

Introducing my new man to my very hippie coworkers: “wellllll he’s a triple Sag” ♐️♐️♐️

Help me pray for me I’m struggling with sexual sin

so terribly sorry for this woman and genuinely wishing her a full recovery soon. but popstar never stop never stopping showed us ads on appliances were a cursed idea and we just ignored it, now an innocent woman is paying the price

bag is secured, new season secured, gwen off to college, muzzy in a home and the bob is tight and ready to be pulled by a man who doesn’t fart. S7 centre snowflake #RHOSLC

he’s like a middle aged woman on facebook

Screaming to my boyfriend in the middle of the NYE party “REMIND ME TO TELL YOU ABOUT A REAL HOUSEWIVES TWEET ABOUT THIS” over Nicki’s verse of Up All Night

Me: hello, 911?

I want these primetime Patriots broadcasts to start going to commercial with shots of the local 7-Eleven in Foxborough. Enough with these Boston shots. Show me the gas station on Route 1.

sorry i can’t hang, i need to watch my shows and then go on a walk listening to podcasts recapping my shows and then go on reddit and read about my shows. booked and busy!

The last thing I tweet before I peacefully die of a gas leak

april fool’s day 10 years ago: uh oh! we’re wendy’s and all of our burgers are triangles now! tee hee april fool’s day now: ronald mcdonald was on the island and burger king has footage to prove it

White Corolla they could never make me hate you