“Maximizing shareholder value is my passion.”

This would cure me

When someone asks me to add formulas to an excel live on teams

ㅤ

daily affirmations: •sugar cannot hurt me •computer is neither ruining my eyesight nor my posture •it will get better after this week •my dog is never going to die

this is exactly how you're supposed to watch twin peaks

my hot take is that this is the greatest pop punk song ever made and that nothing else even comes close

christopher columbus would not want you taking today off, he’d want you selling b2b saas

Would you still love me if i was an email

she say im a star in her valley i said baby thats what i dew

You can make up little lies to tell your coworkers. Whatever keeps the conversation flowing. It’s fine

Saying “locking in” at work then proceeding to do the bare minimum

Wonder how the gals from the clique books are doing.. wishing them the best!

jeremy fragrance

What the HELL is going on with men?? You’ll be having a conversation with a dude and he speaks like a GAY. Mannerisms GAY. Look in his eyes GAY. Many times with the voice and all. And then he’ll be like “my girlfriend” bro what! HUH!

me when i break gender norms by being a woman with avoidant attachment style

need a very beautiful and very blurry candid to be taken of me at a party soon. ideally one which captures my joyful and loving nature while obscuring my kind of weird face