Every morning when my alarm goes off my cats begin barreling their bodies into my door as if they’ve been denied human contact for years, not approximately 8 hours

I accidentally, on purpose, went to sleep at 7PM and slept for 12 hours

On today’s bartending adventures: You can’t smoke on our patio, watched a group hit their vape pens, walked out to give them a warning. Not only are they smoking they are drinking alcohol they brought in & then they were shocked when i kicked them all out. lmao

your yearly twitter update

Just know if you ever put me into a group message the first thing im doing is muting it and then leaving it at the first opportunity

i am panicked about my entire existence. A walking existential crisis if you will

99% of the time anxiety sucks. that 1% of the time you wake up out of dead sleep worried you didn’t turn off your oven and you actually didn’t, it’s not so bad

To my neighbor who goes through an aggressive amount of rolling rock: are you okay? or are you just under 21?

if we lockdown again i am skipping right past the learning new hobbies phase and going straight into the alcohol and drugs phase

Sometimes i remember that one time when kayli, kerra and i went to Vegas & we invited random men off the street to our hotel room and there is a video of me on a full blown lecture about Caesar being garbage. I literally know nothing about Caesar.

My apartment complex wanted to know if i’m renewing my lease by january 15th. My lease is not up until june & i have no idea what i’m doing with my life so i asked if i could have more time, they gave me until january 18th. so helpful, thank u

i am surviving off enough caffeine to OD a small elephant and pure unbridled rage

i just worked for 17 hours straight, i can’t feel my legs

Wanna test your willpower? i recommend prepping food 15 hours into a fast

Someone puked on the bar last night. PUKED. ON. THE. FUCKING. BAR. I quit.

I’ve lost some friendships that meant a lot to me recently by not making shitty decisions & that is a huge wake up call 😃

Next I’m buying Coca-Cola to put the cocaine back in