It just gets better n betterer #BarnabyJoyce

Americans when you tell them the peas taste like peas instead of Big Buttfucker's Ring Sting Firecracker Sauce

Here it is: my 2024 manifesto to be Mayor of London. Can any other candidate beat this? Not a chance! #VoteBinface #MakeYourVoteCount #IchBinEinLondoner

FREE BOOKS: I have a dozen proof copies of A Beginner's Guide To Breaking And Entering to give away! Just RT this tweet before Friday 12th April at 12 noon, when I will pick not one, not two, but TWELVE winners to receive their free signed and dedicated copy!

The Melbourne Airport Choo Choo

It's all kicking off in Have a Sausage magazine! Which story are you reading first?!

You’re laughing but when Grant Shapps loses his seat that’s four people out of work

Anthony Albanese has called new UK PM Kier Starmer to say he’s on hand if he ever wants advice on how to slowly squander a majority by appeasing the opposition and avoiding all risk on the way to losing voter confidence

This is great!

Actively furious that the global Microsoft outage doesn’t seem to have affected my workplace.

can't believe they're gone

Wonder how many parents go to Falkirk games and sit in this stand then suddenly remember they’ve left their kids at home

Quick story about Sven-Goran Ericksson (RIP). Such a good man, open and easy to talk to. You needed humility being the first “foreign” England 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 manager, but one night we realised just how humble (and witty) he was. At a charity dinner after the World Cup in 2006, when he was

WHAT IS LOVE • Haddaway

Oh, to be a fluffy cat napping belly up on a toasty roof

If you mean 'failed to capitalise' by having a theme park, a spot on the top rated Saturday evening entertainment show, and a Christmas number 1 hit, then sure! And yes I met the real Mr Blobby and it was brilliant lol

This Lego recreation of Eric Cantona’s kung-fu kick at Selhurst Park is brilliant!

in england trains are so expensive that train companies make you buy a £30 discount card to get tickets at a normal price, but if the train company sells you the wrong ticket with said card you get a £500 fine and a criminal record for life

Hey Metro Trains, if youre going to cancel a service at flinders, the best thing to do would be to tell the people waiting on the bloody train that they'll be sat there for another 20 mins waiting to depart. You obviously know, let the passengers know. Absolutely terrible service