It's obvious that we have to look after our own mental health during this new lockdown as the government don't give a fuck. It's ok to be angry, it's ok to be disappointed, be honest with how you feel. There are places that can help (CALM, Mind, Samaritans). Look after your head.

Trump gets voted out. Covid vaccine looking good. If 2020 continues this way it should start raining chocolate dildos in December.

UK unemployment rate jumps to 4.8%, though is expected to go back down when ministers start handing out vaccine contracts to their mates.

Hello @holland_barrett, I think your Android app might have a bug - it won't let me enter a password longer than six characters... 🤷‍♀️☹️

“What are you doing for Christmas this year?” “Mostly just eating a lot and waking up in the dark on the sofa”

The fact that it has been a week since the Four Seasons Total Landscaping nonsense just proves that time no longer exists in 2020. That event was both yesterday and 6 years ago. Time is just a capitalist invention to sell clocks.

A Rapper's Delight from start to finish 🙌 Bill Bailey and Oti's epic routine is one for the #Strictly history books already. Bill Bailey Oti Mabuse

STOP THE COUNT. Give him the glitter ball. Love this.

Here they go. This is how they start. Subtle to begin with, but it will grow. It’s what they do.

In Hell someone walks slowly towards you with a cake while everyone sings Happy Birthday... but it lasts for eternity.

Today has been a contender for the greyest day of all time. It’s been fiercely grey. Relentlessly grey. Adamantly grey. Rigidly grey. Hilariously grey. Patriotically grey. Alarmingly grey. Boringly grey. Religiously grey. Stupidly grey. Deeply grey. Grey.

You need an extension built, so you hire a guy you know from school who has never built an extension before, who takes all the money and just glues a dollhouse to your window and then fucks off. Anyway this is how tories have dealt with PPE contracts during a pandemic.

"We just want a vaccine" "MAKE IT PATRIOTIC" "Why" "CALL IT FREEDOM SAUCE" "please just the vaccine" "MAKE IT PLAY GOD SAVE THE QUEEN WHEN YOU OPEN IT" "But" "DOCTORS MUST DRESS AS BEEFEATERS WHILST INJECTING IT" "can't we be a normal country" "MAKE IT SMELL LIKE BREXIT" "how"

As UK debt rises to £2.2 trillion, many say they’re just thankful Labour didn’t get in with their crazy promise of ‘free full-fibre broadband’.

Bugger. ☹️

Really hope the Queens Speech this year is her sat in silence for 5 minutes and at the end she just does a line of coke off the golden piano and screams THIS YEAR CAN FUCK OFF

67% of Amazon's profit comes from AWS. We all think it's them shipping us gadgets but the real cash is in powering every dumb startup that won't exist in a decade. As always, the best way to make money in a gold rush is by selling picks and shovels.

REPLY OF THE DAY: 'Uncomfortably numb' tries to make us see that everything we've sacrificed for Brexit was worth it.

TOMORROW: We seem to be concerned about the welfare of children AND Ghislaine Maxwell, somehow. #TomorrowsPapersToday #DailyMailFrontPages