I guess it's officially springtime in St. Paul because downtown now has more potholes than people

On the one hand, the weather is getting warmer and it stays light out past 7. On the other hand... everything else

I don't get how people with 400 unread emails can look at their inbox without having a panic attack. I'm breaking out in hives just seeing it on your screenshare.

Grant to Zoe on this date #TheBachelor

Big news day for me, a person with a long-running paranoia about accidentally texting something spicy to the wrong person

Finding myself saying "what a time to be alive" more than is optimal.

Live each day like it's your own personal Met Gala. What's your theme? Anyone who understood the assignment would already know.

The timing of Kanye's spiral really could not have been worse. Think how hard "Jesus Walks" would have hit when there's a literal Chicago Pope.

No, unknown number, I am not

Really get a kick out of my GPS asking me if the reported road construction on 494 is "still there". Yes, dear navigator, it is. And it will still be there long after both of us have perished from this earth.

Dear #BachelorInParadise producers: I require chyrons that tell me the contestants' age and also lightly mock them

Watching Dale get another week on this show #BachelorInParadise

The Pohlads after winning one (1) playoff series

Every member of this cast protecting Jeremy for some unfathomable reason #BachelorInParadise

The Pohlads after promising to sell

If you take the money that somehow legally precludes you from ever dating that person again? No. Take the money, pay off your loans, get back together anyway. Use your heads! #BachelorInParadise

Business idea: BetterHair, an app that pairs you with a very specific sort of therapist who will talk you out of getting a risky haircut that looks good on a famous actress getting it professionally styled but would not look good on you. They'll also talk you out of getting bangs