Oh you have a “smart lock”, well mine went to Yale.

Fun one tomorrow with Alan Starzinski

Good Mourning with Alan Starzinski (UCB) What an incredible night of improv celebrating the lives of those we have lost! ❤️❤️❤️ 📸: Eilidh Macdonald / Karen Davidson

Name a more iconic duo, I’ll wait…

*uptight British aristocrat voice* A hospital…FOR CHILDREN?!?!?

Junkyards exist because men procrastinate recycling.

“Loser” by Beck

Republicans seem to have a problem with this van.

My poop got raptured out of my butt #crapture

To celebrate Columbus Day, RJK Jr. is getting rid of the smallpox vaccine.

How can someone sound this bad WITH autotune?

I live on Canal Street and I think you’re a piece of shit

What kind of person buying McDonald’s gift cards at the post office?

I hate gay Halloween I have Halloween homophobia.

I love commenting “is she single” on my friends engagement photos.

I voted YES on prop 50 in California in memory of Charlie.

In memory of Dick Cheney it would be the president and vice president should both have massive heart attacks.

Let this be a lesson to Democrats everywhere if you run a likable candidate, you can actually beat a sexual predator in an election.

Zohran beat him so bad 2x he can’t even pronounce his name.