a real Q::

STEAL THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE IT HAS A MAP

a can of whole kernel sweet corn for breakfast

RIP to an absolute legend. astonished by this man’s accomplishments, especially bc he lived to see 87 & your average bee only lives for up to a few months

This shouldn’t have made me laugh this much

I vote nickelback for next super bowl halftime show

baked beans give me life

cabinets really do just be hanging in the kitchen like that all the time

the male species is really something else. I was able to convince at least 4 of them tonight that English is not my first language and they didn’t even question it

bro said shrek got more bitches more than me like im supposed to feel bad nigga shrek was a home owner with acres on his property that bested a dragon in battle he bound to have a hoe or two

I like to sit in my car and scream a bit before I go into work every day. It really makes me feel ready to tackle the hours to come

boss: you’re late, where are you? me:

why don’t little kids ever tear their acl they run dumb as fuck

no sun for me today got absolutely baked yesterday

There should be weighted versions of every object. Don’t stop at blankets. My coffee cup is 14 lbs I’m gonna be strong as fuck

My doctor left me waiting for a long time so I dressed the skeleton in his exam room in my clothes and sat it on the exam table

the couple carolers who in baby it’s want figgy cold outside pudding 🤝 we won’t go until we get some