Someone on radio 4 used the phrase ‘having a talibanic moment.’ I’m going to be saying that for years

Babies have you spouting such drivel. A recent one: ‘you’re a prawn bee, buzzing through the sea’

I’ll never persuade my American friends of the rejuvenating power of cold, windlashed coasts

I should be tolerant when nontechnical colleagues fill my calendar with meetings. They can't do anything else

Sharks never get to try cheese, it being more of a land food

I put baby down and look away for five seconds and in her hand is a live bumblebee

Increasingly impressed that my grandmother, at 82, takes no medication for anything and is fit enough to take our baby for an afternoon whenever required

No GPT, your little guide doesn’t sound handy at all

Q. ‘Can Power BI do this?’ A. ‘No’

Sometimes you meet someone seemingly normal on video, then in person they have a squashed head

Training my baby daughter to pluck people’s eyes right out of their skulls

they put Elizabeth Holmes in prison just for manifesting

I’ve done well considering I have a mini stroke every 45 minutes

‘As important now as ever’ (not at all)

There are only two guardian opinion pieces: ‘What you enjoy is actually bad’ and ‘I just found out the key to joy: drop all your standards and become a big fat baby’

My only advice for new parents: purchase 20 grey ‘fruit of the loom’ t shirts

My cats face a new neighbourhood threat : a monster cat we call Fatling

everyone

People forget how hydrating beer is