JIMMY CARR: HIS DARK MATERIAL My new stand-up special, launching on Netflix 25 December.

sometimes. i don’t know what to do. with all my love. occasionally it overflows. in the form of a burp

#Breaking: The federal government's updated bill to ban the practice of conversion therapy has been adopted unanimously by the House of Commons. cbc.ca/1.6269147

[day after jesus was born] mary: joseph: mary: joseph: mary: why would you invite— joseph: I didn’t invite the fucking kid with the drum!

I think I’m in love

̶T̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶e̶a̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶ outside is frightful

I don’t know who made this but they win the Internet today. #WheelOfTime #WheelofTimeSpoilers

So when the hospital stops all living donor organ transplants, non emergent cancer surgeries, elective joint replacements, adolescent scoliosis surgeries, and anything else potentially requiring admission, tell me again how your decision not to get vaccinated affects only you.

Legacy. What is a legacy? It’s planting seeds in a garden you never get to see

Crispers are the perfect snack while wandering around the house wondering what to make for lunch.

If you want to see what brings out the racists in Canada, this comment section is a good place to start.

I'm three seasons behind on my group texts.

The emphasis on self defense classes for girls also reinforces the narrative that rapists are strangers who jump out of bushes, vans, and dark alleys, when the reality is that 80% of rape victims know their attacker. Rape happens most often in familiar places by familiar people.

Saying I don't care about getting a tree then want the exact right one and enjoy decorating it all nice and admiring it every day.

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas": the Christmas song with the most condescending sounding title.

Christmas vacation, keep Randy Quaid

Me during most of my family conversations this year:

*Flicks cigarette after a long drag* Here's the thing. If Santa knows when kids are naughty or nice then he knew Rudolph was being bullied