I always carry an extra salisbury steak in my back pocket for emergencies

And that was beautiful. Very well done.

Good luck to the New England Patriots. Fry those Sea Chickens. #TitanUp

I really like the music. I don’t know what the hell he saying, but the music sounds awesome .

#BadBunny’s #SuperBowl performance feels like one big celebration. The energy and the choreography are great. Moments like this remind me how important it is to appreciate all kinds of music and culture. I just wish I spoke better Spanish. 🎶🔥

Sounds about right.

Well played Sea Chickens… Well played indeed.

Me: Just relax. My jaw: I'm trying, motherfucker!

As long as you didn’t come in first, you may as well come in last. Check the other guy’s direction and aim higher. #DoBetter

McDonalds

My thoughts on Stephen A Smith potentially running for president are: Could we please stop fucking electing celebrities and get back to the business of running the country with boring people who just want to do a good job. Thanks

They take silence for weakness rather than the strength that it actually is.

Easiest money ever.

I want to wear sneakers to a wedding because love is temporary and foot pain is forever.

remember to keep your friends close. Because your enemies will always be up your ass.

Situation normal… All fucked up. #SOTU

I literally just lost an hour. Now I don’t get to sleep as long. This sucks.

I know someone who did this

Autistic people aren’t bad at socializing. They’re bad at pretending a conversation is meaningful when it isn’t