Sam Stephen (@_sam_stephen_) 's Twitter Profile
Sam Stephen

@_sam_stephen_

I play synths and guitars for the band HUE(s) and various indie artists... I like beer, whisk(e)y, and pipes... That’s all ya need to know 😎

ID: 112356815

calendar_today08-02-2010 05:54:24

473 Tweet

95 Followers

187 Following

Sam Stephen (@_sam_stephen_) 's Twitter Profile Photo

A rival dad’s wife complimented my hat right in front of him while I was dropping my son off at school this morning. #RIP

Sam Stephen (@_sam_stephen_) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Pop Tarts needs to have a doughnut flavor and call them Cop Tarts, and stock every patrol car with them. I’m ready to be hired now, Kellogg’s.

Sam Stephen (@_sam_stephen_) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Customer signed off an email today with “Be well,” but didn’t finish it with “John Spartan,” and now my whole day is ruined. #demolitionman

Sam Stephen (@_sam_stephen_) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I have done absolutely and utterly *nothing* today, and it is every tiny little bit as glorious as Peter Gibbons told me it would be in 1999

Sam Stephen (@_sam_stephen_) 's Twitter Profile Photo

My toxic trait is not being hungry, but ordering 6 crunchy tacos from Taco Bell, with Diablo sauce, simply because of nostalgia and the fact that I was very hungry and drove by an open Taco Bell.

Sam Stephen (@_sam_stephen_) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Sometimes, all it takes to make the day better is a good “So I Married an Axe Murderer” quote sesh with a good friend 💙

Sam Stephen (@_sam_stephen_) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Friend: “Oh hey man, how you been?!” Me, pouring Cholula on a peanut butter cookie: “Oh ya know… Livin’ the Dream.”

Sam Stephen (@_sam_stephen_) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I will legitimately interrupt myself mid-sentence to sing along with my favorite instrumental solos or lyrics of songs I love. I am *that* friend.

Sam Stephen (@_sam_stephen_) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I just typed “ruh roh” in a text, and my phone corrected it to “Rub Rob” and I didn’t catch it before sending. So looks I’ll be having anxiety about that for the rest of my life.

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My kid: Hey dad, when are you gonna be done in your studio? Me: As soon as I get these cables coiled up, bud. Kid: Oh, that sounds like it’ll take a while… Me: It’ll go faster if I have help. Kid: *fades out of the room like Homer Simpson into the hedges*

Sam Stephen (@_sam_stephen_) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I love it when people say things like “6am in the morning” Oh, thanks for clarifying. I thought you meant 6am at night.

Sam Stephen (@_sam_stephen_) 's Twitter Profile Photo

You see, the problem isn’t that I spent WAY too much money on deli fresh pastrami & Swiss cheese. It’s that I assumed I’d have the self-control to not eat it all within 10min of arriving home.

Sam Stephen (@_sam_stephen_) 's Twitter Profile Photo

The fact that there’s a street near my home called Van Houten, but no cross street called Van Hollerin is truly heartbreaking to my keen dad joke sensibilities