Dunkin >>>>> Starbucks

┏┓ ┃┃╱╲ in ┃╱╱╲╲ this ╱╱╭╮╲╲ house ▔▏┗┛▕▔ we ╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲ help our friends dye their hair at 10pm because they’re having a mental breakdown and can’t reach the back of their head ╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲ ▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔

I’m guy in the hat

Me: how do I do my taxes Public School: shut the fuck up and square dance

If you’re going to the gym and not seeing results it’s because of your genetics and has nothing to do with the fact you drink heavily and eat a whole pizza every weekend

I get excited sometimes to have “me time” to nap when Wren goes to daycare, but then as soon as I drop her off I just lay here & go through all her pics & videos 😭

If I ever have a medical emergency don’t U DARE call an ambulance y’all better uber my ass to the hospital bc we not about to pay 5,000 for a ride in the wee-yoo wagon

I just got asked when I start back to school. like.... I graduated 6 years ago???? you should’ve seen her face

in case anyone is wondering, a number 9 at McDonald’s is 940 calories LOL

❤️❤️

Malls stress me out

kid free for the first night tonight & although I could literally go & do anything I wanted for as long as I wanted, I’m thinking ab coming home & sleeping. is this parenting?