Of course time travel exists. Music exists.

I think we can all agree this is one of the best performances of all time

My salmon farm is going under, maybe I planted them too deep idk.

you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me.

Abraham Lincoln with his favorite Stratocaster. Photo taken by Keith Richards.

At what point after seeing the same people at the gym every morning are you required to start saying hello? Please say it’s 10 years

The waves in San Sebastián bay, Spain [📹 1dxe] x.com/i/status/17845…

My wife tore up our dryer so now I’m at the laundrymat at 11 at night while I wait for the parts to come like my white trash ancestors.

Just had Baja Blast at Taco Bell and y'all it tastes like Windex smells.

I would have thought it's falling over in an ice skating rink, and someone skating over your outstretched fingers cutting them all clean off.

While I was on vacation, my mom was a victim of fraud. Her accounts are now empty. She is devastated, embarrassed and broke. She didn't want to bother me when the pop-up appeared to call the fraudulent number. I am angry and sad. All I can do is this. gofund.me/5aafadee

Didn't even think about all the rogue dildos that tornado whipped around

🎶Heart released ‘What About Love’ 39 years ago, May 1, 1985

Me, flirting

I'm 8 panic attacks away from my goal weight.

This morning I received the phone call that nobody wants to hear. It was my alarm that sounds like a 1970’s phone. So Loud.

I wonder if “Jessie’s girl” wears readers now? 🤔👓

I feel like Zelenskyy is shitting his pants right now.