Early signs are everywhere: the federally-operated post office I just walked by was closed.

Short guy who loses both legs in an accident and gets prosthetics that make him 6'4"

Went to see a play and a friend a few seats down was waving her hand in front of her face to show she got engaged and I thought she was doing the John Cena "can't see me" wave so I did the wave back

⚠️⚠️⚠️ WARNING: IF YOU HAVENT DONE SO ALREADY, BREAK THE SCREEN TO YOUR CELL PHONE NOW !!! BREAK THE SCREEN TO YOUR CELL PHONE NOW.

(Warren Zevon voice) I saw a Haitian with a butchered kitten in his hand Walking through the streets of Springfield in the rain

I was visited by the ghosts of 9/11 past, present, and yet-to-come last night

Educating myself about nutrition

That's not what he says there, he says "This is how I win"

Coworker got turned into a dog

Trying to pull a Budd Dwyer at work, and accidentally leaving my gun in my fridge and dramatically taking a ham sandwich from my bag during lunch instead

Michigan star restaurant