Me sending different reels to different friends according to their humor level

When the sun hits just right and you feel like you genuinely deserve to live

i have to be funny. i have no ass

I think the most satisfying thing about reading a book is watching the left side get thicker and the right side get thinner

Dear Apple, at no point will I ever text someone “he’ll yeah”

“what are you gonna do, cry about it?” literally yes, i’m sensitive

Setting up a new printer and it is amazing there have been exactly zero advances in printer technology in like 20 years

The horrors persist but so do libraries, books, iced coffee, sunsets, trees, the word ‘fuck’, the moon and the sea.

a little girl calling me pretty is like getting elected president y'all wouldn't get it

me when i like a song: 🔂🔂🔂🔂🔂🔂🔂🔂🔂🔂🔂

not to sound like a potted plant but sunlight and fresh air really makes a difference

Please don’t invite me over if you have a leather chair that’s already peeling. I will peel it some more when you’re not looking

MISSING THE TIME WHEN I USED TO OBSESSIVELY READ BOOKS IN LESS THAN A DAY AND NOT WORRY ABOUT A SINGLE THING IN LIFE.

unfortunately i cannot give you directions around the city i have lived in my entire life

another round of shirley temples on me

ngl, not being able to teleport is a huge inconvenience to me

Getting your hair shampooed at a salon is one of life’s best experiences

You'll have to pry the millennial “lol” at the end of every sentence from my cold dead hands.

how it feels to redicover the joy of reading and fall back in love with books

me sensing an opportunity to randomly sing a song mid conversation based off words you said