🔥The 9th Round of Easy Loan, Earn $40 Reward is in progress❗️ ⏰ Promotion Period: January 15th - Feburary 15th, 2025 👉 Register now and check more details at gate.io/campaigns/358

man: doctor i am depressed dr: go see pagliacci the famous clown. he sucks shit and he knows it, he's so fucking bad at everything it makes me roar with laughter. he weeps on stage because he knows he's nothing man: but doctor dr: i know who you are

why is it that there are thousands of songs written about falling in love, but only one song about moving to the country to eat a lot of peaches?

I like any song like Sultans Of Swing where the whole song is about how you gotta check out this other band.

Bugs Bunny: [does an impression of Peter Lorre] 5 y/o me: haahahahahaha. Hell yeah

you mean the spy who introduces himself to literally anybody he meets by telling them his first and last name?

that one guy in the blunt rotation who gets weird when he smokes:

go to NYC for New Year’s Eve: - plane ticket is $$$ - hotels are cramped and shitty - traffic sucks sit at home and play Mario Kart: - get to see the whole world - drive as fast as you want - you’re fucking Mario - mama mia

Yelp Review: Hotel California ⭐️⭐️ Pros: - mirrors on the ceiling - champagne on ice - you can check out any time you like Cons: - you can never leave - a kid at the pool called me mister tiddies

🎵 when you wish upon a star… 🎵 me: this certainly can’t be a message meant for me, a peasant, a miscreant, a no-good fool 🎵it makes no difference who you are 🎵 me: well hey alright

sing us a song, you’re the piano man! piano man: *starts going absolutely buckwild on the harmonica for some reason*

[agustus gloop falls into the chocolate river] me: *under my breath* this is going to ruin the tour

if you watch The Bear backwards it’s about a pretentious upscale restaurant being torn down and converted into a pretty fun sandwich shop run by the punisher

i love it when i stump the IT guy. aha you thought this would be a quick ticket. just remote in, click one button, and make me look like a fool. but alas, i have fucked things up more than you could’ve imagined

Willie Nelson: [verse about being a highway man] Kris Kristofferson: [verse about being an old sea dog] Waylon Jennings: [verse about being a dam builder] Johnny Cash: I fly a motherfucking starship

[Gilmore Girls if the only thing Amy Sherman-Palladino ever watched was Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace] Lorelai: ok jar jar