Ever find yourself telling more and more ridiculous stories just trying to get someone to leave? #otherstuff2do

I turned my phone on to "Airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Let's just say...worst transformer ever.

One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.

#thisweekabc Does anyone enjoy listening to Peggy Noonan speak as much as she does? Peggy #Neeewwwnan

The older I get the more uncomfortable I am with women my age flirting with me.

Wrote a 2 page diet book. Page 1: Table of contents. Page 2: 'Burn more calories than you eat.' THE END

Performing a comedy routine inside of every conversation you have does not make you a comedian, it just means you're socially awkward.

Ron Pope & The District cover-Georgia. soundcloud.com/cooljames0923/…

That awkwardly relieving moment you realize they recognize you too and are trying to avoid you. #samepage

We'll ignore our differences til the sex goes bad then we'll walk away bitter and angry. -jack donaghy

You cannot withdrawal from society and then complain about being lonely.

Music with a strong beat can stimulate brain waves which improve concentration, even after you’ve stopped listening.

"This shadow is darkly cast on the retina of my soul and whenever I am dislodged from comfort my focus falls there.”-russell brand

We used to be friends, now we're just strangers with good memories.

Excessive curves are excessively overrated. #thingsiwouldntsayonfacebook

Very much ready for the upcoming extended weekend. #onemoreday

I've grown tired of oysters, Pam.