Why are people ‘eating the pets’ in Homer’s hometown? #Trump2024

Just seen a man at the bus stop attempting to seemingly break my world speed smoking record. He got rocking action right but made a rookie error going for a rollie not a Marlboro red. 45 seconds. Not bad but not even Olympic qualifying territory…

They are coming for Dowden - the shit of shits - and I could not be more delighted…

‘A walking contradiction, partly truth and partly fiction, taking every wrong direction on his lonely way home.’ The unimprovable Kris kristofferson #KrisKristopherson

Thank fuck he’s off the Case…thank you very little Simon…

‘For your safety please cross the cycle lane with caution’ they warn on the bus. Too ficking right it’s like the arc de tromphe, Rome, even Ramses square in Cairo out there. Take care freedom pass holders #Infrastructure

Is Jon Sopel the stupidest person in Britain. Name me a stupider? #thenewsagents

A bloke has just turned up on the Stanley in an Arsenal sweatshirt for a first date…gotta think he’ll be drinking his second pint alone #cfc

‘Uni’? Asks the baffled gooner. ‘Aberdeen…in Scotland. Then Sussex. Two degrees’ ‘So, two degrees at the same time’? Asks the baffled gooner who is obviously geographically challenged. Imagine the logistics!! ‘No, consecutively’ says the first date #cfc

Money spent for each fan to watch a sporting event live: is there anything even close to the America’s cup. And the commentators make golf’s Ewan Murray look like someone you want a pint with. I love it but…#AmericasCup

Well that wasn’t worth staying up for. The least culturally interesting country on the planet make some sort of history…and they cut to kiwis kiddie korner which is as gruesome as it is alliterative #AmericasCup

Ok Twitter hive - does this exist? Did this ever exist?? - what’s the oddest thing you have put in a doggie bag in a restaurant? #doggiebags

at some point today the Bologna team bus will go past Spaghetti Junction. No-one knows what happens next.

First black woman v first convicted felon. My hope is that a swathe of lifelong republicans will hold their noses and vote Kamala so they can get their party back in 2028 #USAElection2024

Great to see Lewis Goodall released from the dead hands of the dreaded Matlis and Sopel and strutting his stuff #USAElections

Bolton Wanderers' socks are certainly a bold choice... #StockportCounty #BWFC

Backed Justin at 240-1 before the round but go on Rory! #Masters2025

‘New format club World Cup champions…you’ll never sing that!’ #cfc

In one of the lead features from Issue 24, Will Buckley salutes his friend, Gary Fairfull, a Glaswegian charmer who changed London forever. the-fence.com/the-man-who-in…

The difference between the teams is the top players. Big John and Rory get four points. Scheffler and Bryson are pointless. That is a significant swing #RyderCup2025