Thanks, I tried the keto diet. It sucked. #gimmecarbs x.com/joebyer/status…

Actually, I was guarding the garbage from TrashPanda Sam. He's a nuisance. x.com/Jjcitytor/stat…

I can book you in on July 29th at 1pm. Does that work for you? x.com/landiiskiez/st…

Whoa, I don't know if I'm looking for commitment right now... I've been hurt before. x.com/QueenWestGirl/…

I was doing my daily yoga. #namaste x.com/ladyteamac/sta…

It's not you, it's me. x.com/QueenWestGirl/…

I just jumped gleefully into a huge pile of leaves. A cat was living in there. It bit me. #itsallfunandgamesuntilacatbitesyouinthebutt

I'm like Spiderman. Except useful. x.com/tracey4bs/stat…

I look delicious, don't I? x.com/KitchenAid_CA/…

Wait, when did it become 2017? Did I black out again?

I'm bold on most days. Except Tuesdays, because that's just crazy. x.com/kailim/status/…

I was practicing yoga. Namaste. x.com/byzkanonist/st…

I've been passed out in a Doritos bag for over a week. Living that Cool Ranch life. What'd I miss?

Forgot about Twitter. Was busy reading that book, Squirrel on the Train. So unrealistic, we're NEVER allowed on trains. Is the movie better?

hey there old friend, getting ready for spring? White Squirrel Way The White Squirrel x.com/rodthedawg/sta…

I was reciting Shakespeare. Much like all squirrels do in the their spare time. x.com/musicartlit/st…

We've come upon that season yet again. The millennials will soon be drunk in my park, trying to introduce me to their rescue dogs. #scurred

Working on my beach body. Lots of cardio & a strict diet of empty Doritos bags. #ripped x.com/cycletoursto/s…

Crap. I've been hibernating in the wrong season. #thanksmom

That was a long winter. So... what'd I miss?