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The new series of Heresy begins tonight on Radio Four! The opening guests are Miles Jupp, Zoe Lyons and Phil Wang. We’ve made three episodes so far and I think they are really funny, sparky shows – hope you enjoy it. 6.30pm BBC Radio 4

At long last, the wait is over. The all-important #OnlyConnect THIRD PLACE PLAYOFF is tonight at 8pm on BBC Two.

Tonight on BBC Radio 4 at 6.30pm, episode 2 of HERESY starring a phenomenal line-up of David Mitchell, Sarah Kendall and Chris McCausland - Pre-order my autobiography now!. And if you'd like free tickets to an *even starrier* recording of Heresy next Monday in London, go here: sroaudiences.com/application.as…

youtube.com/watch?v=hD9pJz… My God, imagine if he'd seen a Smartphone.

Monday’s Only Connect is the Grand Final, the last in the series and THE 500th EPISODE! To mark the occasion, my TV column this week is a quiz… (sorry about the paywall) telegraph.co.uk/tv/0/500-episo…

.. and happy St David’s Day! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

Not bad for a first attempt! (my Netflix series starts next week)

It’s D-Day! Yes, the Grand Final of Only Connect is also the Dth episode! No expense spared, or indeed spent. Join us for the party as two great teams battle for championship at 8pm tonight on BBC Two. Bring your own booze, because I drank all ours. #OnlyConnect #DthEpisode

Tonight at 6.30pm on BBC Radio 4, it’s Heresy! David Mitchell, Phil Wang // Insta: @wangpix and Jo Bunting debate grass, conspiracy theories and whether we’ve had too many Prime Ministers in recent years.

It is a very funny episode of Heresy tonight, with Steph McGovern, @Destheray and David Baddiel discussing Dry January, digital money and whether you should tell the woman sitting near you in a restaurant that her husband is texting his mistress from the table. 6.30pm, BBC Radio 4

If I got murdered in a Thai spa resort, at least I wouldn’t have to go to yoga. My TV column today is about The White Lotus, and what other people consider to be “pampering”. telegraph.co.uk/tv/0/white-lot…

Following yesterday’s column, I’ve received this spam. My usual gloomy trepidation about our communications being overheard and monitored by the mysterious Big Brother of techno-capitalism are tempered by the evidence that at least it got completely the wrong end of the stick.

The penultimate Heresy has a line-up I’m so proud to announce: Grayson Perry, Desiree Burch and (doing his FIRST EVER radio panel show, in FORTY YEARS of comedy stardom): Ben Elton! All three as wonderful as you’d hope. Do not miss. 6.30pm BBC Radio 4

Plenty of oral sex, not many jokes; Towards Zero is like the opposite of my honeymoon. telegraph.co.uk/tv/0/agatha-ch…

I tweeted Heresy yesterday when it wasn’t on. Then I forgot to tweet it today when it was. I’m so bad at social media. Luckily it’s a great programme. Laura Smyth, Ignacio Lopez and Sally Phillips; bet you can’t listen without laughing. bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m0…

Is it ever okay to manterrupt? In my TV column this week, I’ve been watching ‘The Baldwins’ and thinking about their marriage. telegraph.co.uk/tv/0/alec-bald…

Just went to see Oliver! in London - what a wonderful show and Simon Lipkin is really *phenomenal*. Reminds me of the night I was meant to star as the Artful Dodger at school but couldn’t due to stage fright. Mind you, I was only 9. Mind you, SO ARE MANY OF THIS WEST END CAST. ❤️

Playing a triv game, my small daughter just said “In science fiction questions, it’s always Darth Vader or Wilf Skyscraper”. I’m so proud. (Her father distraught).