Today is the anniversary of something truly horrible - the day I joined twitter. #MyTwitterAnniversary

Wow can’t wait to go out with my friends tonight! The next day:

Pausing podcasts every five minutes so I can answer the question the host just asked the guest

BeReal is the first thing that’s motivated me to do literally anything with my life

Not going to rest until Ariel is played by a manatee

Found out it’s bisexual awareness week 5 days late which feels right

“I’m at a payphone, trying to call home, may need to see the booty fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk”

“We’re the try guys and today, we’re going to try something we thought was impossible - make everyone on the internet care about us.”

People are like, “kids these days are so soft with all their depression and anxiety, they should just smoke a pack of cigarettes every day like I did”

Ok fine I’ll host the daily show

Age is like sexual partners, once you pass 30 it’s like why bother counting?

Actual picture of me at a baseball game wondering how I ended up there

Whyyyy am I constantly getting pushed tweets from 20 year olds giving bizarre relationship advice that belongs in the 1950s please make it stop 😭

It’s ok if you don’t understand the “sexy baby” line, you’ll turn 30 someday ❤️

What is the name of the air freshener every Lyft/Uber driver uses and how can we get rid of it?

I’m not worried about getting older and not having children to take care of me, I’m worried about getting older and not having children to explain new technology to me every time there’s an update

I was a stay at home girlfriend earlier this year and I did so much gardening and cooking and decorating and digging up fossils and befriending my animal neighbors and paid off my debts to my evil raccoon landlord but I guess that’s cool that you do your boyfriends laundry

Ep. 151! While our co-founders went MIA, our creator team — particularly Tess Menzies and GMac — took over the podcast, and things rapidly devolved into Harry Potter analysis. Grab your broomstick and prepare to be dazzled! boredwalk.libsyn.com/the-boredwalk-…

Featuring: Andy Feldman, Chloe, Cody Frost, Emma Campbell, Kia Salehi, marina miscellaneous, , @skatzhyman, Taylor Couchois, & @tessmenzies!