When your Fiancée gets on Twitter for the first time in years and sees your tweets

#TeamJoe

They can do surgery on a grape but they can’t cure Coronavirus?

There are two types of people in this world: those who eat spoonfuls of peanut butter, and the weak

British people are really out here pronouncing “garage” like it’s someone‘s name

Homie’s fingers don’t even move in the fast parts. This dude is scamming you and y’all are in the replies like “Venmo?” Sweet Moses

With all the restaurants closed and no managers to speak to, quarantine takes an extra toll on Karens across the county

The year is 2030. Karens run all of the nation’s retail and food service spaces. Turns out the motivation for speaking to the manager was to learn how to become one.

Can We Discuss Flatten-the-Curve in COVID19? My Eight Assertions drjohnm.org/2020/05/can-we…

We've felt touched by the ways people have risen to lift spirits and serve others recently and wanted to collect & capture these stores of resilience. Even folks like John Krasinski spreading #SomeGoodNews. Through blessing or difficulty, we always overcome. #ItsWhoWeAre #SGN

Great. Now when I name my kid X Æ A-12 everyone’s going to think I’m copying Elon Musk

Just sit this one out, Tami

Most pens you just collect. They appear and have the names of some random law office or insurance agency inscribed on the side. But not these. These are sought out, paid for, and protected.

Americans:

Had a dream last night that I was forced to sing a duet with Carol Baskin. When I say I was forced, you can guess what the alternative was.

Sunflower skull head

The fact that the flag looks like the Starfleet emblem from Star Trek fills me with more joy than I can put into words

Carol Baskin delivered that pizza to Michael Jordan #LastDance

Our 'Drone Division' allows us to capture even the most unique camera angles and gives an added sense of freedom to our work.✈️ @getolympus DJI Our new drone reel just might cure some #cabinfever too!