This is what it looks like when America sends you billions of dollars a year

I knew there was a reason why I liked the undertaker

Watch who gets uncomfortable when you start making money.

Believing that Pharmaceutical Companies want to heal you is like believing a Casino wants you to win

telling women that the prettiest girl in the world is a man ? misogynistic pigs. we know your agenda is to disparage and subdue us.

IG is so dead bro. Ppl just watch you and don’t even interact. It’s weird

celebrity worship is mentally ill.

this next pandemic im taking the PPP loan fuck it. and im dancing on tiktok.

Your OG 🐩 Y’all confirm for me every day that the apocalypse is gonna be the funniest day on this app.

May you be protected from eyes that are secretly not happy to see you win in life.

It's interesting watching people underestimate you until they realise you were being humble, not incapable.

Me directing the hantavirus cruise ship to tel aviv

Girls: im so lonely no one has talked to me for hours Average male experience:

New Yorkers after hearing that Hantavirus is spread by rats.

My dog is 20 years old but still stands up and wags his tail when he sees me 🥹

kim kardashian failing the bar exam so many times that she gives up on being a lawyer is making me realize the american bar association might just be one of like three remaining institutions in the us that won't just roll over and give the exorbitantly wealthy whatever they want

Of course it had to be Thailand 😭

I’m going to buy one of these just to go up to guys with real APs and say stuff like “Hey! Sick royal oak, man. I have one too. Check it out!”

Me after puttin my AP on Klarna