Was behind the lead singer of Future Islands in the store today and let me tell you it was fucking carnage

Funny the way music hits you with nostalgia - always thought it’d be something like Jeff Buckley, Oliver Cole, Jack L that’d do it. Born Slippy is the tune that makes me cry happy.

Day 8,045 of watching the NRL trying to not see a mullet

I care not for your jazz talk, sir. Please address me by my full title or not at all.

Ballsacks are like speed cameras. Nobody wants to see them. We only kind of sort of need them. But they look great on a well carved piece of stone in Italy I have lost my thread here somewhat

"I don't really get jealous" also me when i see a homeless man drinking at 8am as I drive to work:

Food is so embarrassing. Like, I need to put this bow-tie pasta inside my body or I'll die.

Listening to ASCOM with Paul John Dykes as I drive through the back arse of Australia and the guys are discussing a Celtic top 40 song - and I’m waiting for the Derk Boerrigter song. Patiently.

In honour of St Patrick’s day I’m now going to list the five best things about Ireland 1: The coddle 2: Terry Phelan 3: The way we ask American people on the late late show if they’ve tried white pudding 4: The way Kitty O’Shea looks at you from across the dance hall 5: Bray

That’s dinner sorted.

Playing the National Anthem for Ireland

The replies to this are actually worse than the moronic original post. Staggering.

What the simple, tiny pleasure you enjoy every week? Just something tiny. I have 3 pairs of work shorts in rotation but there’s 1 pair I absolutely love and when they’re off the washing line and ready to go - I fuckin love it.

I love in every single film that contains baseball they have a scene where someone who shouldn’t be batting steps up and then it’s Ooooh miss and possibly thrown at your head Oooh miss surely that’s it OH MY GOD ITS A HOMERUN AND PEGGY SUE FINALLY LOVES ME

Trump: fuck you nato and here’s tariffs ya cunts World: jeezus ok mate that’s harsh Trump: I’ve invaded Iran anyone want in? World: pretty sure you said we were… Trump: doesn’t matter you guys suck World: ok but we Trump: but seriously can you help? Iran: holy fuck guys

Imagine being in the Epstein files and then trying to distract by killing American citizens in Minnesota but then it comes back so you bomb Iran but then it comes back so you bomb Venezuela but then it come back so you kill more citizens but then iran and now cuba and then

Dang. That’s my nose pickin’ digit

Anytime I see a poorly worded white supremacy article from a fringe media outlet I immediately know that Elon will have reposted it with a “Yes” over it

So they ban Pornhub in Australia and then Chuck Norris dies? Hmmm

Hozier did great things for Irish blokes worldwide. People started to think we’d awaken in a stone hut, elevate into some sort of faerie state and just Druid our way into the day. Instead we roll out of bed, fart and eat bacon like every single other man in the world.