[After leaving Willy Wonka’s factory] ME: WIFE: ME: WIFE: ME: WIFE: Lot of deaths for a to— ME: A LOT of deaths for a tour!

Big day for dads with pocket knives

At the end, we talked about how no one ever wonders whether an onion is ripe enough.

What your tweet failed to consider is me, a complete stranger with bad opinions

George Washington: I cannot tell a lie. JD Vance: I cannot tell a lie?!

I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag

trans people should have access to gender-affirming care, point blank period

Women only want 3 things: -To see that cool stick you found -To view your collection of awesome rocks -To look at pictures of weird bugs you came across

this isn’t true at all

Nazis are garbage, I hope this helps.

everything is so expensive and i'm not even having a good time

If you are in line for an emotional meltdown, STAY IN LINE. Your turn will come

anti-woke mindset promoted by elon musk is pro-terrorism and anti-social

This really has become the most miserable website on the internet