Willy Wonka invited me to his factory and then tried to kill me when I had a LITTLE BIT of his river chocolate. No lawyer will take my case. Not one. Should I start a GoFundMe?

I can't believe it. What are the odds? This is the EXACT same thing that knocked me out of my Olympic spot in 2016.

When will the Minions speak out about who they're voting for?

I was in the bathroom at Costco and the Costco Guy and his son smashed in the stall door and forcibly wiped my ass with a 48-pack of Charmin while they screamed BOOM in my face.

The little one won’t stop shouting that I need to eat something called a “chicken bake?”

Next weekend, RI! I'll be headlining the Comedy Connection in East Providence. 2 nights, 4 shows, some great new stuff, and a guaranteed good night. You should come! Get tickets here: events.ricomedyconnection.com/events/96967

Uh-oh! Ray Harrington answers the question everyone is asking - what if #PuddinHead were in #MobyDick ? @discountchuck Brad Rohrer #comedy #podcast #literature #melville

The hilarious Ray Harrington will be taking the stage this week! Tickets are available online now! 🎟 📸 Ray Harrington 🗓 AUG 23-24 📍 Comedy Connection #comedian #standupcomedy #comedyshow #standupcomedian

This Friday and Saturday I'm at the Comedy Connection in Rhode Island! It's always a fun weekend back at the club, I hope to see you there! events.ricomedyconnection.com/events/96967

I was on the Rhode Show this morning to talk about comedy and my shows at the RI Comedy Connection this weekend. Apparently if you put me on tv too early in the morning, my facial expression looks like I’m just finding out I’m adopted.

Bangor, Maine! I’ve wanted to do a big show in the town I lived in and love for ages. Cross Insurance Center asked me to do a show and it’s perfect. I hope you’ll come out for an amazing night and we can make this a yearly thing! Tix here: bit.ly/3AI9n2o

Hosting Karaoke means you have ONE JOB to do. From a fun weekend at the RI Comedy Connection. . . . . . #standup #comedy #karaoke #rhodeisland #crowdwork #rap #hiphop #rapmusic #hiphopmusic #funny #lol Comedy Connection

New episode! LIVE EPISODE! WOWWWOWOW! For the first bit, we wrote each other's eulogies. You know. A normal way to start out a comedy show. Ray Harrington Chuck Staton Brad Rohrer #comedy #livecomedy #podcast #livepodcast #AmericanLiterature

Why does that Minecraft movie trailer look like an MadTV sketch of an SNL sketch of a movie trailer?

There's a fine line between a lot of pets and a small farm. From some fun shows at the RI Comedy Connection. We're all pulling for Louise.

We went from the Golden Age of Television to only a few shows that are killer, and they're 7 episodes and have 2 - 4 years between seasons. Oh, you like that show? It's canceled.

Springfield, MA! I'm making up for the show I had to cancel due to Covid in early August with TWO shows at Roar Comedy Club @ MGM Grand Casino, Oct. 4&5. An old armory is a prime horror movie location. I'm the fat funny one so you know I'm dying first. mgmspringfield.mgmresorts.com/en/entertainme…

Guys, I sold Diddy the baby oil. I didn't think it would be used for nefarious purposes and genuinely thought it was totally innocent. Please forgive me. My family and I appreciate you respecting our privacy as we try to move on from this. Thank you.

At this point, there are so many comics with “I’ve been canceled!” specials that it can be its own genre on Netflix.

🎃The funbearablepod #Halloween Spooktacular🎃 🎃Kismet Improv, Pawtucket, RI🎃 🎃10/20🎃 👻Tix available soon👻 🦇Get ready for a night of shrieks, squeaks and freaks!🦇