If literally everybody is at the cutting edge of something, pretty sure the edge is blunt af

I don't like jokes I don't like you

( •_•) (•_• )
( ง )ง ୧( ୧ )
/︶\ /︶\

Hmu when the plot thins out a little

There are people who have an eidetic memory and then there’s me I forget the sentence as I’m saying it

There’s also me who remembers what you said on 13 dec 2005 at 9:17pm

nothing worse than getting a little sun and feeling better and realizing I have the mental complexity of a daisy

I laughed way too long about this

Well well well if it isn’t the consequences of my inaction

not to tweet like a plant but i think sunlight fucking rocks

“you have an unnatural allegiance to losers” really set the tone for the year.

this january isnt januarying like the other januaries januaried

omg babe you're so good at making everyone feel loved now quick do it for yourself

You apologized for no reason 37,452 times this year

(the most stressed out person in existence) yeah of course you can vent to me

lol who did this

If Twitter = Blue bird, what's x = ?
Solve for x.

“We suffer more from imagination than from reality.” — Seneca

Look ma, I just signed up for Excel tips on Twitter.

If this doesn't tell you that I'm now an adult, I don't know what will.

I say 'no problem' and 'no worries' when in fact there are significant problems and worries