Dressed in culturally non-conforming religious attire to openly practice the rituals of a Middle-Eastern religion which came over here and imposed its customs and values on the indigenous population...

Read the room, Sky News . Read the fucking room.

We just dropped in on Liz Truss’s pro-Trump speaking tour with a remote-controlled lettuce banner. She didn’t find it funny. 🥬

The 'seasonal' aisles at Home Bargains are nuts right now. Camping and picnic stuff, Halloween stuff, Christmas stuff. That's not a season, that's half the year!

"Right Dave, just need you to proofread those signs, and then we'll get to the pub." "Done."

Dave, that's not how you spell TYRES.' Oh, and you don't need an apostrophe either. 'This OK, mate?' 'Dave, go home.'

Say what you like about the #Oasis reunion; it's brought something new to the bingo world. "OASIS LIVE, TWENTY-FIVE!"

There are some good social media website owners out there. But some social media website owners are not impartial, they're hard right wing activists who amplify lies to brainwash their followers.

Found this in the book box at school. Gave the title a little reworking.

I've just heard Ed in #TheArchers use the words 'hood', 'flaps' and 'hard at it' in a single sentence (referring to his hedge trimmer) and I'm still sniggering. Was that a scriptwriters' bet? We need to know, keridavies ! The Archers

I'm Sober this October and raising funds for Macmillan Cancer Support to help people with cancer. To donate, visit gosober.org.uk/users/rachel-p…

Icons week on #Strictly and the judges are dressed up. Craig is Barry Gibb, Motsi is Tina Turner, Shirley is Cher, And Anton is... Dave Hill from Slade?

Yay! Dylan got a Hollywood handshake! Now for Spotted Dick. SO MUCH SMUT! #GBBO #Bakeoff

IT'S NOT CREME ANGLAISE IT'S CUSTARD. #GBBO #Bakeoff

Word of the day is ‘recrudescence’ (17th century): the return of something terrible after a time of reprieve.

In February 2018 I posted this, back in the day when we were silly on Twitter. It went stupidly viral. Today I went down Kings Heath High Street again, and alas that magical combo is no more. Specsavers has moved. RIP Specs and Drugs and Sausage Rolls.

Hi Yodel . I'd like to send an email to your customer services department. Could you give me an email address please? I've looked but can only find live chat or a phone number.

Whilst I'm delighted for cmat 's nomination for Mercury Prize , I'm gutted that Self Esteem was overlooked. Both are masterpieces and equally worthy of awards. Still, at least it means I don't have to pick a favourite.

I've not been on here for a while but after today's news from the BBC I had to come back and say something. LINE OF DUTY SERIES 7 HECK YEAH! So flipping excited! #LineOfDuty #MotherOfGod #JesusMaryJosephAndTheWeeDonkey Line Of Duty share.google/DGxtmaEhNCSNVK…

So on Kings Heath High Street we have a Specsavers inbetween a Lloyds’ Pharmacy and a Greggs. Yes, that’s right: Specs and Drugs and Sausage Rolls.