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Ikea....a re re re tweet

Chances that a cow steals your shoes are slim, but never zero

Words to live by ...

National Insurance was introduced as a form of insurance against illness and unemployment. It evolved to become a funder of the NHS and the State Pension. Reportedly, Jeremy Hunt wants to abolish National Insurance. Which should tell you all you need to know.

A few days ago we showed you a photo of Lozza Fox meeting Tommy Ten Names and asked you to "Name this band". We had over TWO THOUSAND replies. These are the best 20 (in our opinion!)...

☎️ BREAKING: New law to be brought into force which means speakerphone users can be “shot on sight.” Will this affect you? Join #BrokenNews this #SundayMorning to find out👇🏻

On a short break in Munich. Very confused by all the Emirates shirts, then I remembered the extent to which football has been bought by Middle East oil #BAYRMA

"I'm autistic." "Does that mean you take things literally?" "No, you're thinking of kleptomaniacs."

“I've seen things you people wouldn't believe... Gullis eating soup with a fork. I watched Braverman try to deport a sofa. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain... Time to die.”

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck." "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck. "And you can talk" !! Exclaims the barman. "I see your ears are working, too," Says the duck.

If you know... "I'm playing all the right players... ..not necessarily in the right positions"

Is it just me, or have all the Russian pro-Reform bots been rebadged and are now spouting garbage, apparently trying to split the left wing away from Labour?

My friend has two tickets to the England vs Spain game on Sunday. She paid £360 for each ticket including flights but didn’t realise when she bought them months ago that it was going to be the same day as her wedding. If you’re interested, she’s looking for someone to take

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With the US and Russia starting talks on how to carve up Ukraine between them, at what point should we start talking about the Trump-Putin axis of evil? Or would saying that be against the US version of free speech?

My children are not on the autism spectrum because I took Tylenol while pregnant. They’re on the autism spectrum because I, a person who will wear only one type of shoe and can’t eat food that is “too potato-y,” had babies with a man who has an encyclopedic knowledge of European