As comedians, we're all one family. One group. One tribe. Which is why I venmo request $45,000 from Jerry Seinfeld every fucking day.

Ages of Seinfeld cast in the pilot...

Jerry Seinfeld: 35
Michael Richards: 40
Jason Alexander: 30
Julia Louise Dreyfus: 28
Girl Jerry Dates In 3 Years: 14

'Quit protesting or we're gonna kick you out of this garbage university that we make you spend $65,000 a year to go to.'

Not sure if any of you have the same broken internet brain as I do, but the origin of the lost media Everyone Knows That/Ulterior Motives song has been found and it is great. Turns out the song was from a 1986 porno and majority of it plays with loud fucking sounds over it.

Challengers (2024)
dir. Luca Guadagnino

If you don't understand why our government doesn't seem to give a shit about the ethnic cleansing of the Palestinian people, it's actually very simple. It's because they don't! They don't give a fuck. Their campaigns and stock portfolios are funded by genociders, not genocidees.

in an open letter, more than 2 dozen Palestinian journalists urged their American peers to boycott the WHCD as an act of solidarity. 10% of Gaza’s journalists have been murdered since October.

Any way here’s Colin Jost talking about decency.

I cannot remember, historically, has it gone good or has it gone bad when police and military are called in to beat the fuck out of war protestors on college campuses?

Last time Kansas City traded with the Bills we got Mahomes... 👀

My predictions for August 2024:
Biden goes to Lollapalooza and flosses on stage during Tame Impala. He dabs while signing an executive order to give Netanyahu 50 billion. He goes on SNL and plays Dark Brandon in a Star Wars parody. He calls a reporter a slur not heard since 1934.

“They’ll say we’re disturbing the peace, but there is no peace. What really bothers them is that we are disturbing the war.” Howard Zinn 1971

Judith Light Judith Dark

On its homepage, the The New York Times website currently has four (4) prominently-displayed pieces about American college protests and zero (0) pieces about the nearly 300 bodies (some with their hands and feet bound) found in a mass grave at a hospital in southern Gaza.

A dog’s string theory is that it tastes good

All the liberal feminists who feigned concern for 'kids in cages' are watching Israel disembowel, burn, torture, and amputate the limbs of children besieged in Gaza and are either saying nothing or attempting to characterize this genocide as a war between two equal parties.

you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

PSA

Harriet the Spy was executed today for sedition, she was 14, the youngest execution in Louisiana in 17 years

This is what CTE does when you don’t have a family to kill

A Jonathan Swift/A Modest Proposal hater has joined the chat.