When I was a teenager I was super depressed and my best friend told me if I ever killed myself he would play American Badass by Kid Rock at my funeral and tell everyone it was my favorite song and it’s kept me alive until this day.

Malik Beasley going coast-to-coast with 5 seconds left to cut the lead from 9 to 7. The spread was +8.5 😭

I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ - which is so much better

Ozzy Osbourne has sadly passed away at the age of 76.

Fuck it. Entire "Mama I'm Coming Home" from Ozzy's final set.

And nothing of value was lost

Baylor’s Dave Aranda just gave one of the most bizarre answers to a question I think I’ve ever heard

Trump: People were taken out of the spa, hired by Epstein… I told him we don’t want you taking our people, whether it’s spa or not spa. He did it again, I said out of here. Reporter: Was one of the stolen people Virginia Giuffre? Trump: I think so. He stole her.

Tool-Schism but Medieval version and it slaps

Jerry doesn’t believe in the x’s and o’s but rather the charisma of the head coach and so he hires [checks notes] Dave Campo, Jason Garrett, Chan Gailey and Mike McCarthy. incredible stuff

This is beyond parody.

Kal-Lbs

🚨 🚨 🚨 The #Cowboys are trading All-Pro Micah Parsons to the #Packers & they agreed to a 4-year, $188M deal done by David Mulugheta and Certifiedadvisor of Athletes First including $136M gtd, per me, Tom Pelissero & Jane Slater.   At $47M per year, Parsons is the highest-paid non-QB

Rich Eisen this entire game:

New Tyler Robinson posts leaked to me tell a very different story than you've heard before: kenklippenstein.com/p/exclusive-le…

abandon your boy

Here’s Benny Hill version: