Humans are too smart for how stupid they are.

It has begun

We need a new and improved social, practical, metaphysical construct for ethics. Let go of the past -- the eternal present tense provides a blank slate at each infinitely sliceable interval. Admit to past mistakes and state your very specific plans for improving yourself in the

Tired of being human?

Then do not walk into the light. Look what is behind you.

New Rule: No one over legal retirement age can be elected into public office.

Someone should update the Furby with modern AI.

Fuck NASA #NasaLies

I thought Tom Waits, Gary Busey, and Ron Pearlman were the same guy.

Where?

I just realized it's now called 'reposts' instead of 'retweets' and no one is gonna say repost either, so thanks for playing yourself again Elon.

Retweet this.

Maybe I have been crazy the entire time.. but I doubt it.

Have you ever accidently been on the same pee schedule as someone else, and run into them in the company bathroom 3 times in a day?

🟥³

Please ignore me, I don't exist.

Do you want it in the nook or the cranny?

Be patient with her… if you love her, be kind, she’s somewhere between losing her mind and finding herself… and I know… because I’m her…

I would buy a ring back tone right now if it sounded like a busy signal.

My favorite historical name is Robert the Bruce. Like hi I’m Phillip the Steven and this is my friend Bill the Fred.

A brothel would be a good name for a soup restaurant.

My lease on this vehicle is up. When can I trade it in for a new meat computer to inhabit?