“I’m feeling pizza for lunch.”

He's totally not having a midlife crisis. The amount of cupcakes and cookies he's baking says otherwise.

[ oh god I'm alive ]

"Mary can choke me with her thighs any day. I mean what?" SIPS HIS MARGARITA.

He hasn't spoken to his parents since he had gotten married.

His dad was a banker and his mother was an interior decorator. He hasn't spoken to them since they told him that marrying Mary would be unfit for his social standing. His grandparents were nice tho.

[ AU where people think Joseph is secretly a demon but it's actually Robert that's the demon and Joseph is enthralled and corrupted by him :P *pokes ʀᴏʙᴇʀᴛ * ]

"I heard some of the church moms gossiping about a rumour that I'm being possessed by some ancient demon..." He snorts.

"Mary, my light, my angel, my glorious wife." Five seconds of silence. "Please choke me with your thighs." @MargaritaHater

[ My Joseph is just like this tho @ Mary: choke me with your t h i c c thighs bby @ Robert: get your drunk ass over here I need cuddles and the di- ]

"No." x.com/MargaritaHater…

He’s not sure what to do as he stares at the cardboard box sitting outside the church steps. He picks it up and he’s sure he can feel something moving inside and hears what he’s sure is a puppy’s whine. Oh dear.

"...Something is off with Robert." He's not going to figure it out for a looooong time.

He's just eating a pint of butter pecan by himself.

"The twins were trying to summon demons in the backyard again." Another spoonful of ice cream goes in his mouth.

[ I squint at my TL and smh ]

He just takes a sip of whiskey from ʀᴏʙᴇʀᴛ's stash.

Casually sipping a strawberry margarita from what looks to be a Starbucks cup.

He’s eating a strawberry margarita donut.