Olympic swimmers: "Wax my toes if it makes me swim faster". Olympic sprinters: "I'll take the longest hair extensions you have, please."

Our men's 4 x 100 relay team should be forced to listen to Carl Lewis sing the national anthem.

Today's Shark Tank Pitch: phone charger that harnesses the friction of walking in corduroy pants.

Check out my new special, Something From Nothing Link in my bio and below. bit.ly/3zApR6l This special also includes interviews with some great comedians @themeghanhanley @jordancarlosofficial Richie Redding @moodymccarthy @iammikecannon @alldaykca serhat parmaksiz

Pat Tully & I figured it all out: podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6L…

HNGED is out everywhere now I'm really excited about this album and hope you enjoy it. Thanks for all of the support. Listen, laugh & share ... thelaughbuttonrecords.lnk.to/HingedTW

I ate all of my daughters' Hanukkah chocolate and now I'm filled with gelt.

I wish they had felt the same way about my grandparents

Thank you for all of your support on the full video release of HINGED. It lives here so please watch, like, comment & share... Jon Fisch | Hinged (Full Comedy Special) youtu.be/SMCIrwLpyqk

Thanks Jason! Means a lot!

This is why you don't say Macbeth in a theater, Chris Rock. #oscars

I was looking for Will Smith's publicist in the memoriam.

I guess Comedy Central won’t be doing a Roast for Will Smith. That vessel of love

Netflix should stay in Russia but only stream Rocky IV.

My favorite Judy Tenuta story: after a show, the comic who opened for her is driving her to their next gig; as they’re passing cornfields at 2 AM he asks, “So what did you think of my act” & she replies, “Ask me again when we get a bit closer to town” I am so, so sad she’s gone

Saturday at McGuire's! Come laugh with Moody McCarthy! Get your tickets at GOVS.com

Ironic that Twitter was ruined by one character.