[Slaps a “For Sale” sign right where his hair line is… hanging on.]

My husband unfollowed me. Where did I put those divorce papers…

She’s going to throw him out on his ass again. I hope you all reallze that.

Where’s those divorce papers? For real this time.

I always thought I would be the divorced twin.

I need to clarify: I don’t want to see other people. But I feel like he does. Maybe if we date around, he’ll make up his mind about what he wants.

Who is this chick liking my husband’s tweets about divorce and does she know I will gut her like a fish?

I am still irrevocably angry.

I want to point out that I still refuse to use either my brother’s or my husband’s last name. Cause men suck.

It’s from one of Dad’s barbecues a couple of years ago. No surprise you didn’t remember. We were both drunk.

Who do you have to wake you up like that?

Then I’ll chock it up to wishful thinking, because I definitely won’t be the one.

After Mom died, it was me who insisted we go. Both Dad and Helle just wanted to sit at husk and pretend like she didn’t want us to go.

I almost miss him cursing the amount of porn…

Is he playing hard to get or are you playing hard to get rid of?

The truth is like poetry. Everyone fucking hates poetry.