If you have anything you want to sneak into the house, Christmas Eve is the day to do it. Can just rush through the door carrying anything saying “DON’T LOOK! DON’T LOOK!” and people will close their eyes. Next thing you know you’re eating a bucket of KFC safely in the bathroom.

My sex doll (extreme elevator voice): Going down. (slight pause) First floor.

My spirit animal 🫶🏻

Never knew that

m.youtube.com/watch?v=X0CgkC… #raveyardshift

All breakfast rolls are equal, but some breakfast rolls are more equal than others Artist: Tribs b3ta.com/board/11404085 From the 'Change-a-letter books' challenge b3ta.com/challenge/chan… #ChangeALetterBooks

Hip Hop is a Global Culture...This is why it will never die. So many people live different elements within the Culture. That Paul Hardcastle blend is nuts.

I didn’t choose the velour tracksuit life, the velour tracksuit life chose me.

just walked past a guy talking on the phone and wearing the biggest pair of pants ive seen since the 1990s and heard him say "yeah im wearing them right now"

*olympic swimmer sized bong hit*

do some research tonight

Party? I thought you said pantry. I was hoping for snacks…

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

sir mix-a-lot: *nods approvingly*

My electric scooter died, now I have to use an acoustic one

Me when I spy a delicious pie cooling on a windowsill

Released 30 years ago this week. I remember getting the tape and playing it over and over again like it was yesterday. This album takes me back. One of the greatest British LPs of all time, from one of the best years in music (to me) of all time. This is a legit classic.

I had my leg X-rayed today. The doctor said: 'Your patella measures 2.54cm'. I said: 'Inch-high knees?' He said: '您的髌骨是2.54厘米高.'

Me: Bob, it's pronounced CHANGING, not a-changin'. Bob Dylan: ? Me: Can someone teach Bob to say CHANGE? *David Bowie stands up* Me: Not you