His name was Chocolate and he introduced me to mother nature

I’m riding a horse today. Act accordingly

posting a few tweets to take the edge off

my cats have the weakest stomachs. when i give them dry food they throw it up, but when i give them a cheesy gordita crunch they also throw it up? i don’t understand them

nobody wants to talk about alvin and the chipmunks anymore but i think as a society we’ll eventually have to have that conversation

the problem with me on the dance floor is when i’m embarrassed i just start doing the charleston

Nice day alert!

just remembered that some people have the name matt. that’s crazy. they might as well be named splat or plop

I named my cat after the show Wednesday because that’s what I was watching the night I took him home. He has no idea how close he was to being named Vanderpump

my new least favorite thing is applying for a job and immediately being sent a personality test to take. if you wanna get to know me so bad how about an interview?

something so primal about lighting a match. it’s like ok so basically this is a tool that would help me survive in the wilderness but right now i’m using it to light a bath & body works cherry blossom pound cake candle

the next met gala theme should be cats and dogs

It’s a shame that I can’t say what I want to say about the people harassing campus protestors without getting permanently banned from this app

that one picture of harry potter’s parents

roommate just said 'I can't believe we've never had to buy trash bags the whole time we've lived here'

it makes no sense to me why there are no female jockeys in the kentucky derby. are they not little enough? did they not dedicate their entire childhoods to loving horses enough???

Kids! It’s time I told you the story of how I met your mother. But first let me tell you about every date I’ve ever been on in my entire life…

wrote this one specifically about all the people who have called me the good doctor

Whenever I have something do well on the internet I always get overstimulated and don’t log in for two days. I’m literally allergic to success lol

Person on LinkedIn Wondering if You Could Fix Their Whole Life for Them: ow.ly/8UFG50Ru6LB