You’re hot but you posted an ai caricature of yourself on ig story and honestly that kind of ruins it

That Bunny was AMAZING. Elmo thinks he should be called Good Bunny! Elmo loves you, Mr. Good Bunny! ❤️🎶🐰

It blows my mind that not every American thinks Trump is a disgusting scumbag of a human. It literally blows my mind. The man is rot. Pure evil rot.

BREAKING: Former Prince Andrew has been arrested by UK police over his links to Jeffrey Epstein.

Fuck…. I can’t pick 😭😭😭 Team USA men’s hockey team ❤️

If the USA Women’s Hockey team wants a real celebration and invite ,,, I’ll host them in Las Vegas. Do some nice dinners and shows and good times. I’m sure I can get a hotel and airline to help me out here and celebrate these women for real for real.

my mom is so fake we're at a family dinner sitting across from each other and i text her and she yells "what's wrong baby why you wanna leave" LMFA000000 ok lady enjoy the retirement home

people u went to highschool with be liking ads on instagram

my twitter

twitter search bar when i search a tweet verbatim

a beautiful chinese woman named Deer Xing is communicating with me through road signs

requesting PTO at work is so embarrassing. "hi boss permission to enjoy my life for 3 days?"

i think ideally id like to work 3 days a week and make around 185k

Gave some crackhead $50. a cigarette and vodka. and he said he’d stab anybody in the world for me. yall better talk to me nice 😂

if you walk slow in front of me you will get killed by my powers

70 and 80 year old people are generally unemployable due to physical and mental decline but for some reason we allow them to run the entire fucking country.

“We regret to inform you” You will regret you informed me😭

Roomie keeps preheating the oven and forgetting about it

Child: OMG it’s Chappell Roan Security Guard: