They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them

J Tony P. Someone said to me the other day. 'If that stomach was on a woman, she'd be pregnant.' To which I replied 'Well it has been, and she is'

SchizoTruth 🇪🇺 Whenever people have problems remembering my birthday, I just say it's the same as Hitlers. Happy birthday to me.

COLE ♥️🎼♥️🎼♥️ What's something that two men can do. A man and a woman can do with difficulty, and two women can't do?

Piss in the same spot.

And mean while, back in the best mile high trans pacific night club, we're listening to Phil Collins, No Jacket Required.

Drinking Jack and Coke on the terrace bar in the Star Alliance lounge at LAX.

It doesn't get more 'Pretentious Wanker' than that.

Listening to Celebration day at 30,000 feet above the Pacific Ocean whilst drinking a Talisker 10 year old.

Cheers! I have a theory about couples that appear all lovey-dovey and call each other by pet names. One or both of them are cheating, and they are over compensating because of their guilt.
Oooooorrr... they're head over heals in love.

Elon Musk That's all good and well. What about accounts that have 15 pornbot followers? Asking for a friend.

wanderlustwoman When you're so knackered that you can produce enough torque to maintain a level of rotational momentum in the wheels to overcome gravity's desire to make you eat dust.

Yeah, I've got a science degree, and I'm not afraid to use it.

Jerry Lock Never attribute to malice, that which is adequately explained by stupidity. (Halon's razor)

Was cleaning out my mother's guttering and there was this pair of Fantails that would not leave me alone. I must have been too close to their nest.

Jessi 💫 You've never truly known unconditional love until you've owned a dog.

blondii ✌︎︎ If I blocked hobots, I'd have no followers or likes

Lyric Scott 🌈 That's a tidy lookin shitta.

Drew (some assembly required) Fuck you I'm wearing reading glasses..........I've just turned the font size on my phone up to 300%

Woohoo. Fired up the still last night. This time next week, I'll be drinking the best '5-day-old' moonshine with bourbon flavouring, this side of the old black stump.

If everyone would just act sensibly..................we'd have nothing to gossip about.

For lent, I'm going old school, by following in the footsteps of medieval monks who abstained from eating solid foods and got all of their calories from beer. It doesn't get more pious than that.

Valentines Day : A big 'Fuck You' to single people everywhere since the 14th century.