#FF everybody follow @haveIgotnews4u please, she's good for you :) #FollowFriday

David Cameron can't sort the chocolate oranges. No wonder he's so terrible at running the country if he can't even stack confectionery.

#FF @haveIgotnews4u or I'll expose you all in Private Eye. #followfriday

I'm glad that Andy Murray has topped up the collective British sense of disappointment. I was worried it was getting low. #sarcasm

Can we sell Fred Goodwin's knighthood? We should sell it to Carlos Slim, patch up the economy a bit.

I haven't tweeted for a while, just thought I'd tweet to let you know.

I see 'Blazin Squad' is trending. I've not been paying attention today, is it David Cameron's latest police taskforce?

"@haveIgotnews4u: Ian Hislop (Ian Hislop) "unexpectedly sexy gnome-like quality"" Sexy gnome. Hmm, well I suppose I've been called worse :)

Cameron is on a roll! His popularity must be soaring! Privatising the roads, fiddling with the NHS and a tax cut for the wealthy!

Recently I learnt that water makes up 80% of cat food... Oh sorry, I forgot -I'm not the Iams cat.

Pasty tax? Doesn't that mean George Osborne is eligible to be taxed? He's rather pasty - looks like a member of the undead.

"Its our problem free philosophy - Abu Qatada"... Wait that doesn't sound right...

Titanic II - interesting (see: stupid). I'm sure the Americans will be ecstatic about potentially having the Chinese navy in New York.

A little fed up of the Jubilee now. You?

Greece something something something. Watch the news, I can't be bothered.

I'm going to go ahead and predict that there'll be considerably more swimming events than planned at the London Olympics.

Team GB off to a great start in the football. They've really aggregated all the home nations lack of quality and ability to disappoint.