the way I believe my therapist and I would be friends under different circumstances is probably how men feel when they think their hooters waitress is into them

as long as I live to see the lana del rey biopic

a show of hands of who got a little too freaked out on saturday evening ✋🏻

the truth is that i would have the cutest, coolest kids ever and i would be an incredible mom (cancer moon, hello), but i don’t think i will ever have any

when I post a new restaurant on my story and 3+ local people message me to ask about it, I feel famous

If Dot’s Pretzels made a salt and vinegar flavor, I would have to file for bankruptcy

two of the most special people in my life, gifted to me via algorithm. i’m never changing their last names in my phone.

sick of using google i just want everything explained to me by a pretty man that loves me

when one of my friend’s husbands makes a joke to me at their wife’s expense, it’s just like ?? do you know who you’re speaking to? it’s like joking about how bad your boss is to HR. i’m firing your ass.

I just love the role reversal in my relationship where I’m bringing beer over to his house after work and he’s packed me up leftovers from the dinner he made to take for lunch tomorrow. Nothing truly compares to being loved well.

i love be deranged and ripped apart by love. not in the heartsick, agonizing way, but in the starving, desperate way.

i truly manifested this, my boyfriend literally has a shrine for me on a bookshelf

the chokehold that 2:40 of Hannah Hunt used to have on me

if you didn’t text your friends happy valentines day, you’re fake

i listened to real love baby so many times last year that i manifested it into my life

I love shopping at Trader Joe’s bc it feels exactly like shopping in the pretend grocery store at the children’s museum did

funko pop adults have such a look to them

the hottest girls you know are putting the skims lana campaign on their instagram stories

established dominance in my relationship by buying him flowers first