"You sunk my battleship" is a fun thing to say during sex for the last time.

This woman at the bar told me she wants to find a woman who'll sleep with her husband. This is why I don't delete my exes' numbers. I like to help.

I think what I like most about the DVR is I can watch the Mets lose to the Brewers, Red Sox, Phillies and Cardinals all in the same day.

Megan Goetz (@meggoetzmoney) started doing stand-up while at Penn State and moved to Philadelphia to give it a serious go. Now she's recording her first album at the Grape Room on Oct. 16. Listen to her episode of On the Mic with Mike Peters. pca.st/episode/b051fc…