DISGUSTING

home from milan

aw christ why did i come back the fuckup fairy couldn't touch me when i crossed international borders; it's outside of her jurisdiction

ME: focus here around my third eye & look deep. you'll find all the secrets of the universe here, beneath the anguish & mortal mundanity. go deep enough that you break time. that you see the very face of god. MY ESTHETICIAN: i already told you this machine doesn't go that high

i do not know how anyone finds these debates productive or insightful, i’d truly rather put my disgusting foot in a waffle iron

nominative determinism

astros tears = more precious than crude oil

a 6’7” chicken showed up at our doorstep demanding “fentanyl OR twix”

i can't believe i miss the guy whose twitter bio is literally just the word "bitcoin"

ITS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOOOL

What is wrong with me

i will defend this house

Thanks to swallowed 2 contact lenses for this collection of sadly rejected mascots. twofiftyone.net/2023/02/09/rej…

This is my Uncle Go-Gurt. …and one order of dirigible sauce. Celebrity leprosy! Destroy the octowolf. swallowed 2 contact lenses twofiftyone.net/2023/03/23/thi…

I can’t stay silent any longer medium.com/slackjaw/nobod…

DID YOU KNOW? i am in issue 25 of the american bystander! check it out for terrible jokes from me AND good ones from a whole bunch of other folks. please. it’s my stupid birthday. americanbystander.org/store3/issue-25

Thanks to McSweeney's for indulging this fever dream mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-don…

twofiftyone.net/2023/07/03/dis… swallowed 2 contact lenses

Enjoy this glimpse of a typical Sunday with my mother